Saturday, April 08, 2006

XXL is a size too small...

Blame it on the swagger, but XXLmags.com has their heads up their asses a decent part of the time. Whether it’s getting sonned by Bun B or predicting Ghostface will flop only to back out when he hit top 5, these guys deserve their card pulled. Actually that’s just ONE of their writers. DAMN.

Now I’m no fan of Southern Hiphop by a long shot, but blaming Atlanta for New York’s problems when their most viable rap group is wearing purple long tee’s is ridiculous. So without further ado, I present the definitive retort to XXLmag.com’s 21 Reasons Why The South Is, Indeed, Ruining Hip-Hop.

21 Reasons Why New York is calling the Kettle Black

1. Fat Joe: Two Words: Remi Martin

2. Q-Tip: He turned his back on one of the greatest rap groups of all time. In fact he hasn’t delivered a proper album since the 90’s. Unforgivable. That goes double for Rakim and Big Daddy Kane.

3. No one copped…let’s see…Monkey Bars, Long hot Summer, Purple Haze, The Pretty Toney album, Streets Disciple… nuff said.

4. Ja Rule: Solely responsible for half the crap on the airwaves for the three first years of the millennium.

5. G-G-G-G-UNIT: Except for…ah fuck it, these guys haven’t released a decent CD since the mixtape before Fiddy’s first album. Admit it.

6. Swizz Beats: Casio jackin, rat faced, hypeman motherfucker. Fuck stoning me even the kush won’t help.

7. Fight Klub: A bunch of wack rappers calling each other wack rappers does not a decent artist make.

8. P Puffington of Diddy: The OG annoying rap impresario (peace to Russell) who’s still milking his dead friend for all he’s worth with terrible remixes and worst clones. Fuck a Shyne.

9. Pharaohe Monch: For not knowing better than to sign with the Steve “not-so-Loud” Rifkind. (doh!)

10. Dipset’s stylists: Yes homo. MAD homo.

11. Insincere New York Hip-Hop fans: If the city was pumping out De La Soul’s, LONS’, Wu-Tang’s, Mobb Deep’s and Biggies on the regular no one would even care about this whole regional rap thing. You know the city sucks right now.

12. Whoever tried to make Ghost look like an R&B singer at Def Jam: Should have stuck with the rawness.

13. MF Doom: The cartoon mouse thing was a bit too much. Bring back the style about leaving your rhymes up under the top bunk in C-Block.

14. Because the current best rappers out of New York are out of VA: Hell Hath no Fury coming soon.

15. You bastids broke up the Roc: That was the one decent label New York had going for it. Now Jay’s busy pushing Ne-Yo cds and Dame is on the back of a milk carton.

16. Saigon: Your unsigned hype was half a decade ago, even Nas didn’t take that long to drop.

17. The Roots: Stop acting so damn bougie just because you got a bunch of instruments on stage. Black Thought has the charisma of a cardboard box.

18. Ruff Ryder Records: After they got lucky with DMX, they subjected us to bullshit albums from Eve, Drag-On and Jadakiss, none which were worth the disc they were printed on.

19. Canibus: Homey switched up to go mainstream. Then went on some crazy space shit to add insult to injury.

20. Matisyahu: The Beasties were one thing but this guy ain’t no too live Jew.

21. The Source and XXL Magazine: Because like the Democrats and Republicans, they’re both running and ruining shit.

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