Tuesday, January 10, 2006

More quality Hiphop Journalism from Pitchfork. AKA crap.

There’s a lot of ado about Pitchfork media supporting Trap-Hop (a name which I support because it’s the kind of thing that can kill a musical movement dead in its trap) over backpack/nerd/underground/indie rap (which is on life-support anyways). Now personally this is a lose-lose situation in that while Jeezy and company can be fun, Pitchfork has no context to evaluate them and their sudden shift towards the rejection of authenticity can lead to written diarrhea like the following reviews:

GZA [ft. RZA and Raekwon]: "Advanced Pawns"genre: hip-hopThe career trajectories of these three Wu-men could not be more disparate. GZA, once a lead contender for fave Clansman, has relented to elder figurehead, spitting with all the vigor of a PTA treasurer. Even his lyrics fall back on the rehashed blind/deaf/dumb swordsmen shtick that he rode to eminence a decade ago. Cousin RZA, however, with Miami Vice money falling out of his pockets, takes the DJ Muggs cathedral organs/Halcyon drums and bumbles lovely about dreams of iMac-10: "Welcome to the beehive, dual processors with the G5/ There's not a tape or a disco break that I can't revive/ In this high-tech world of FireWire and microchip/ We still keep the 4-5 clip filled with the spiral tip." Please let that lyric have been penned by Steve Jobs over a shared Tofutti Cutie. Chef fires four forgetful bars-- assumably (hopefully) because he was so busy finishing up Cuban Linx 2-- doing nothing to improve the track. [Peter Macia]

Right...this would be a nice lil diss session if the track didn’t come out awesome and was appreciated by pretty much everyone who knows jack shit about Hiphop. Unfortunately, Pitchfork seems to have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, rejecting not only backpacker rap but ALL of rap pre…well… PRE-PITCHFORK! But surely, at least they can’t mess up negative reviews about stuff that deserves it right?

Xzibit [ft. Diamond D]: "We Dem Niggas"genre: hip-hopI'm not sure what "dem" mean here-- maybe "desperate for attention"? Xzibit hasn't changed up since "Paparazzi". He's got a great growl, but so does Canibus, the main difference between the two being their fateful pairings with Dre and Wyclef respectively. Here, devoid of Dre (or whoever claims to make Dre's beats), Xzibit offers little more than rote bitch-rap, the "bitches" being everyone but himself and Diamond D.
If you don't know Diamond D, he's an old dude who made a great record 13 years ago. He's a producer, but he likes to rap on his records. He is not a rapper, but he does sound comfortable on the mic, like, about-to-fall-asleep comfortable. All that was exceptional about his production has been replaced by harp plucks and a metronomic drum tick, but it's nothing that can't be saved by Pac's cousin singing the hook. At least I hope that's his cousin. Otherwise, this track is not funny at all. [Peter Macia]

Somehow I think they’d put up a mighty stink if I said that Pavement was some old band who dropped a great record 13 years ago. Yet they continue to treat Hiphop like some disposable new come fad to entertain them on days where they haven’t got enough indie-rock record promos to review. I’d be tempted to place the blame squarely on Peter Macia but another typewriter monkey could have put out the same shit so I won’t dignify him with credit for this stupidity. Suffice to say that if these guys intend to write about rap records that don’t feature Lil Wayne, they’re going to need Hiphop writers that actually know what they’re talking about.

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