Monday, January 02, 2006

I’m back! With a LIST!

I had this neat little intro set up for this but it got deleted. What a way to start the new year. I’ll summarize: Happy New Years. I got drunk. I stole this concept from SiuFung.

Sach’s top 50 moments of 05!

1.     The Tsunami disaster kills and ruins thousands upon thousands of lives. No one has figured out how to make that funny yet.

2.     50 Cent and the game have beef! A million diss songs are written. Somewhere Dr Dre wishes that he had produced Funkadelic instead.

3.     Dave Chappelle goes apeshit, drops his show and goes to Africa. Token Latino replacement not nearly as funny.

4.     Martin Scorcese is ROBBED once again at the Oscars. My friends and I vent our rage via MSN.

5.     Terrorists attack London. The British wag their fingers condescendingly.

6.     Speaking of which, the Colbert Report becomes one of the funniest shows on TV after a slow start.

7.     Houston becomes the rap city of choice thanks to a guy with a cellphone, a wigger with diamonds in his teeth, half of UDK and a giant country dude. An Atlanta rapper still steals the southern title.

8.     White people continue their slow realization that there’s more to rock music than Nickelback style angst-rock. Indie music thrives.

9.     The movie industry sucks. All focus groups point out that the cause bad movies. Harvey Weinstein steals the soul of an accountant and eats it in protest.

10.     Peter Jackson releases a decent Kong remake which is ruined by the cynics.

11.     Huricane Katrina bitchslaps the US. Luckily it hits the black part.

12.     George Bush doesn’t care about black people. Kanye West reminds the US at most awkward moment possible.

13.     Wong Kar-Wai’s 2046 is released. He somehow makes me feel sympathy for a guy who turned down Zhang Ziyi.

14.     Sin City proves that with a huge amount of technology, an allstar cast, a co-director, a guest director and a revolutionary graphic novel as a shot-for-shot guide, Robert Rodriguez can make a good movie.

15.     Micheal Jackson goes free. White America jails cosmetic-surgery equivalent Lil Kim as punishment.

16.     The Boondocks goes from funny comic strip to funny anime.

17.     Family returns with a hilarious new season and movie. The movie is actually 3 episodes slapped together.

18.     Too many people care about the following: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaugh, Jennifer Aniston, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Orlando Bloom, Ashton Kutcher and best of all etc.

19.     Not one of the above are involved in a good movie this year except possibly Vaughn (thanks to Owen Wilson)

20.     Harry Potter 4 disapoints due to an extended scene right out of the OC and a major lack in direction. It’s still better than most Hollywood trash.

21.     Tom Cruise is freaky.

22.     The good vegetative state pope dies. His replacement looks like Senator Palpatine.

23.     An Earthquake hits Kashmir. Tragically, unlike the Tsunami it comes at a fiscally poor time and donations stall at around 3 bucks and some pennies.

24.     China’s large wang makes the US uncomfortable. US feels better when it realizes that the wang is metaphorical.

25.     Iran acts a fool.

26.     Iraq becomes hell on earth but with democracy!

27.     Penny-Arcade hold a gaming convention, raise 500K for sick children, beat an evil attorney, invent a fake LOTResque wiki and still find time to play WOW all day.

28.     Other webcomics do…not so much.

29.     Live 8 rocks for Africa. Africans unimpressed.

30.     X-Box 360 has pretty graphics.

31.     My tour of Europe goes over better than Bush’s tour of…just about anywhere actually.

32.     USA realizes George Bush is a fucking MORON!

33.     Disaffected Arab youth riot in France. French scared shitless.

34.     Disaffected white youth riot in Australia. Australians talk about it over a keg or 3.

35.     Disaffected politicians topple the government in Canada on their 3rd try: population does NOT care.

36.     Gas costs a lot of money.

37.     Belgians win big at Cannes.

38.     No one cares who wins at any film festival in Montreal.

39.     Sundance style indie movies annoy me and hopefully force Wes Anderson to switch up his style.

40.     Hugo Chavez becomes the new Castro.

41.     The Arcade Fire officially becomes the new Bowie.

42.     The New Star Wars doesn’t suck.

43.     Grime hits the sub-mainstream but the media stops caring after Lady Sovereign gets signed.

44.     Fantasia rocks the world.

45.     The Wu-Tang clan shows signs of greatness but 2006 is the real test.

46.     MF Doom becomes dangerously over exposed.

47.     Hunter S. Thomson goes out the way he wanted to.

48.     Did I forget a disaster?

49.     The planet manages to not blow itself up for another year.

50.     Blogging becomes cool thing to do when I make mine. Not a second before.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha! really funny post, keep it up!

5:28 PM  

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