Friday, September 23, 2005

Good work...ASS

Yes, yes YOU Tom Breihan. Good work looking like a complete and utter ASS in your Run DMC reviews. I bet you thought you were going to look mighty smart dismissing them as “riddled with filler” and claiming they need analysis as “historical documents and sometimes as more”. Real smart until the first fucking line in the actual post-apology part of the review is a god damn cliché about their debut like the LP that forever tore rap away from disco and made it its own thing. What, did you figure that one out on your own you hipster little journalist you? Seriously, how distant from the record you’re analyzing do you have to be to say absolute stupidities like "It's Like That" is itself a vanilla version of Melle Mel's rap on "The Message"? Yeah and John Lennon’s cover of Twist and Shout was LITTERALLY a vanilla version of a blues song but that doesn’t make it any less fucking powerful does it you rambling Bowie blowjob giving sonovabitch? It probably sounded terrifying in 1984. What? You mean back in the day when you were busy listening to Cindy Lauper and Poison, ASS? The only real misstep is "Rock Box", a track that buries a decent banger under layers of unbearable hair-metal guitar wheedling, which is funny because I can say that about half the groups in your site’s best new music section, except I’d change the words “hair metal” for “noise rock”. Next time, when the re-issues come in, stick to Brian Eno or the Pixies because you’re in way over your head here, ASS.

This kind of ridiculousness goes on and on like a multi car pile up, dismissing the next two albums on the basis of guitar and unexplainable hate for RUN DMC’s rhymes. Did Jam Master Jay rape your mom Tom? I see no other explanation for saying the retarded things that you do other than pure spite or maybe cerebral palsy. So which are you Tom? An ass or a retard? If you’re giving King of Rock 5.7/10 than that’s clearly your two choices along with the third option of Hipster jerk who doesn’t know shit about what he’s reviewing. You’re lucky that Tougher than Leather actually DID kind of suck and even that deserves better: it may not be your underappreciated classics like The Village Green Preservation society but like all of RUN DMC’S material it aged so much better than you gave it credit for. ASS.

In conclusion, FUCK YOU. Stick to reviewing the latest Kanye West indy cover albums until you fucking know what you’re talking you POS. Seriously, spouting out convenient embarrassments like  The group was essentially irrelevant only five years after releasing its first single-- to put that in perspective, Bow Wow has been popular for a longer time where as your most lauded new music will never be relevant or popular in the first place just shows how fucking ignorant, biased and poorly educated in the matter of Hiphop you are. I can't really say they had much influence on the way rap sounds today? Perhaps listening to recent singles by The Clipse, Nas, Jay-Z, El-P, Mos Def and MF Doom will refresh your fucking memory you worthless excuse for a human being. Your arguments are wrong, your analysis is biased, your dismissal of great work borders on absolute fallacy and over all your review shows that no matter how many journalism classes you’ve taken, music you’ve listened to or books you read; a lack of understanding of the material at hand both in a contextual sense and in a purely musical one will inevitably lead to written diarrhea like this. ASS.

For a RUN DMC review DOESN’T kill puppies every time you read it, go to, it may not be perfect but at least its somewhere along the lines of “right”.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn! "the ether, the shit that makes your soul burn slow"

1:39 PM  

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